2015 Power Rankings-Week 1
Posted 9/10/15 at 9:49am The Autumn Wind is blowing... Welcome to another year of Fantasy Football in the League of Champions. Another year of Nate talking a ton of shit and never backing it up. Another year of Pat thinking he’s finally going to make the playoffs only to lose by 0.02 points in the last game and finished 7th. Another year of Jared being way better than he should be. Another year of me crying as I put myself 9th in the power rankings and writing about how bad my team is through the salty tears. Another year of my Dad’s entire team being injured and still winning games. Another year of at least one team neglecting to check their lineup and being punished by the all-powerful Fantasy Gods. And another year where I can’t help but get sentimental just for a few sentences: Thanks everyone for another great year of your friendship. Like I say every year, Fantasy Football isn’t just a game, at least not for me. It’s about being able to share my greatest passion with the people who mean the most to me in life: My dad, my best friends, and my best friend’s cool girlfriend who I finally met. Win or lose, I’m always grateful I get to stay close to everyone during Football season even though I’m far away. Now that that’s out of the way, get ready to get fucking annihilated this season. You motherfuckers don’t stand a chance.** **Please disregard this statement five weeks from now when I haven’t won a game. WEEK ONE RANKINGS AND DRAFT SUPERLATIVES!!! The opening theme for this season is 2015 Blockbusters. Was your draft a hit, or a miss? Does your franchise have sequel potential (post-season)? Spinoffs (trades)? Or was it a box office bomb? 1. ma ma momma said a. Draft Day Projections: 10-3 b. Current Projections: 13-0 c. 2015 BLOCKBUSTER: Jurassic World Jurassic World not only scored the top spot on the charts for 2015, but it is one of the highest-grossing movies of all-time. Similarly, MMMS has found itself with one of the best drafts in the history of the league. As we all know, the magic number for playoffs in LOC is somewhere between 6 and 8. It seems our Indominus Rex will have no problem in-dominating the league yet again. But let’s take a closer look, because even Jurassic World had plot holes. No TE-depth and a pair of Manning’s raises some red flags, especially if Peypey plays like the 86-year old he is. While I don’t see the sequel doing as well as the original, I think we can assume MMMS’s incredible playoff streak will continue. 2. Deez Sons of Bitchez # Draft Day Projections: 4-9 # Current Projections: 7-6 # 2015 BLOCKBUSTER: Cinderella We all need a good Cinderella story, and Dee might provide us with just that. Dee owns a team full of veterans, from Larry Fitz to Andre Johnson to Boldin and on and on. This team looks like a boom or bust squad with a lot of boom potential. Last year, guys like Fitz and Johnson were horrendous (I know, they were on my team) but what are the chances they do that poorly two years in a row? Pretty good? Oh. Well luckily Prince Charming is here to save the day. Rodgers has the potential to raise this team to greatness the way Manning drove Chris’s Cooper Clux Clan to the Championship match in 2012. Relatively easy strength of schedule for Dee and some solid RB’s really give me confidence that the clock might not strike midnight for a long time. 3. Garoppoblow Me # Draft Day Projections: 8-5 # Current Projections: 6-7 # 2015 BLOCKBUSTER: Mad Max: Fury Road That’s right, I’m ranking myself 3rd. Give this one to me, guys. Just let me have it. GM has been a bottom-dweller for a couple seasons now, long enough for people to forget just how dominant they were in the early years of the league. Much like how many years have passed since the original Mad Max trilogy, this is slated to be the franchise’s best year yet. Hungry for blood, Mad Matt drafted a team ready for revenge, including 2 all-pro players recently persecuted by the league. Mad Matt also picked up two of the league’s top 5 TEs and is gifted with an easy Fury Road (season schedule). Once again their biggest flaw has been an inability to steer away from Pats players, but this year they won’t trade Brady and things will be different. PLEASE, PLEASE LET THINGS BE DIFFERENT. 4. The Shotti Bunch # Draft Day Projections: 9-4 # Current Projections: 8-5 # 2015 BLOCKBUSTER: Avengers: Age of Ultron Not as good as in past years, Shotti still put together a solid blockbuster that will definitely put up numbers at the box office. Much like 2012’s “The Avengers,” 2013’s championship year is a thing of the past for Shotti and it might be hard to repeat the glory with this team. Much like in the championship year, Shotti has decided to go RB heavy, stacking the flex spots with running backs as opposed to the WR approach taken by most teams. Never to be counted out, Shotti’s Avengers look tough, albeit a little banged up. The bench is severely depleted with guys like Foster, LaFell, Cruz, and Gurley taking up a ton of room with their goose eggs. Healthy, this team could be an Iron Man, but as of now it’s looking more like a mellowed out Bruce Banner. 5. Reign Maker # Draft Day Projections: 6-7 # Current Projections: 6-7 # 2015 BLOCKBUSTER: Fifty Shades of Grey The defending champion comes in at fifth in the power rankings with a team that many expected would be sexy, but ended up being a PG-13 bore-fest. That’s not to say this team can’t win big, and a sequel is definitely in the works, but there is nothing flashy about this roster at all. Well balanced at WR, TE, and RB, it’s biggest asset is Mr. Grey himself, Andrew Luck. If he can whip the rest of the team into shape, they have a chance to inflict their S&M Fantasies on the rest of the league. Until then, they’re looking a bit gray. 6. Papa’s Posse # Draft Day Projections: 4-9 # Current Projections: 6-7 # 2015 BLOCKBUSTER: San Andreas PP has been a Rock in this league, sometimes smashing the competition like THE Rock, and other times sinking to the bottom like A Rock. This year, it could be a disaster waiting to happen. The combination of Johnson and Marshall isn’t as potent as it used to be, and Drew Brees will have to be the helicopter that lifts PP up from the rubble towards safety as the bottom half of the lineup is about as weak as an LA building that hasn’t passed Earthquake safety code. Guys like Wright, Garcon, and Marshall are talented WR’s with no one to throw to them, surely an issue that will plague the team later in the season. Still, they have been nothing if not consistent and if we know anything about The Rock it’s that he keeps on keeping on year in and year out. 7. Paddock 9 # Draft Day Projections: 3-10 # Current Projections: 6-7 # 2015 BLOCKBUSTER: Tomorrowland Paddock 9 seems to always be living in the magical world of Tomorrowland, where anything you want can be made manifest and all your dreams can come true. The problem with Tomorrowland is it’s always tomorrow and tomorrow never comes because it’s always today. Paddock 9, a year in and year out receiver of the worst possible luck, is staring straight into the eyes of another box office disaster. A look at the bench reveals a laundry-list of “could be good’s” and the starting roster MIGHT include a top 10 QB in Ryan. The RBs at first glance look mediocre but together they form a decent group, though the WR core is filled with question marks. Can Smith have a monster year like in 2014? Can TY keep up his numbers with the Colt’s new weapons? All in all, there are pieces that make it look like it could be good, nice special effects and how can you go wrong with George Clooney? BUT Tomorrowland was just a Disney ride and Paddock 9 is just a dream. 8. Joe’s Okay Team # Draft Day Projections: 9-4 # Current Projections: 5-8 # 2015 BLOCKBUSTER: Ant-Man From small beginnings come stories of triumph. Joe’s Okay Team probably got it’s name just right, it’s okay. But no one expected Ant-Man to be that good, either. Early looks at the film showed average dialogue, potential for some meh action, and a plot that really wasn’t all that appealing. Similarly, this roster seems to have a lot of downside and very little substance. This is another team whose TE position is virtually nonexistent, and any team whose top RB, WR, and QB all play for Pittsburgh is never a good sign. Pitt has the toughest strength of schedule this season. But Ant-Man made it happen, using his skills as a master thief to steal the show, and the girl. If Joe can steal some games, maybe he can steal a trophy of his own. 9. Fire Goodell # Draft Day Projections: 6-7 # Current Projections: 4-9 # 2015 BLOCKBUSTER: Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation Throughout the history of the league, Fire Goodell has been like the Mission: Impossible franchise. With every passing year they seem to take more risks and still do well enough to warrant a sequel. For example, in Rogue Nation Tom Cruise hung out a flying plane. On draft day, Goodell took 2 guys who aren’t starting week 1 and a third who doesn’t have a team. The moves get balsier. Goodell took chances with newbies Funchess and Abdullah, as well as oldies like Vernon Davis. Making the playoffs seems like an Impossible Mission but there is something to be said for going Rogue and taking chances. One thing we can all agree on is Goodell needs to be fired. 10. #FreeOJ # Draft Day Projections: 6-7 # Current Projections: 4-9 # 2015 BLOCKBUSTER: Trainwreck When you hear this manager speak, it’s almost like listening to LeBron James give a post-game presser. You just shake your head and think “wow, he actually believes the things he’s saying. He genuinely believes his fantasy team is better than mine.” While LeBron James may have stole the show in the “Trainwreck,” who knows what player will steal the show for OJ’s Trainwreck. Tannehill is a decent QB but not great, and that’s the same that can be said for most of this roster. This roster bears resemblance to a Mad Matt roster, just a lot of guys with flashes of brilliance that otherwise disappoint. However, in odd years OJ’s teams have performed significantly better and if the trend continues we all better watch out. The Pain Train(wreck) might be coming. MATCHUP OF THE WEEK: The Shotti Bunch vs. Reign Maker -The 2013 and 2014 champions square off. Current projections show Shotti a winner by less than 10, but tonight’s matchup between NE and PITT will set the pace as Shotti’s lone TE and 1 of 3 receivers will take first blood. My prediction: Luck has all kinds of trouble with Buffalo’s new and improved defense and Carolina’s D gets the edge for Shotti as the defending champ Reign Maker falls to 0-1. In the end, we all know Star Wars 7 will be the biggest blockbuster of all. The biggest story has yet to be told. Similarly, we know that most of these predictions will be incorrect. Stars get injured, the Justin Forsett’s of the world shine, and one wrong roster can make the difference between 6-7 and in, or 5-8 and out. Four years have passed with four different champions. Another year is upon us...The Autumn Wind blows….